9/23/2007

I'M REALLY BREAKING DOWN ALR . I'VE CANT STAND IT ALR , I'VE HAD ENUF ! I JUST CRIED IT OUT LIKE A RUNNING TAP .. FAMILY AND FRIENDS ALL NEGLECTING ME , ALL NOT CARING ABT ME FOR A BIT ! ALL JUST DUMPING ME ASIDE AND LEAVING ME ALONE !! I'VE HAD ENUF OF ALL THESE !! DESPITE ME MENTIONING IN ALL MY OTHER POSTS HOW LONELY I AM AND HOW MY FRIENDS AR TOTALLY NEGLECTING ME NN THROWING ME ASIDE, MY 2 BEST FRIENDS DONT SEEM TO NOTICE AND CARE AT ALL ! I JUST WANNA HANG OUT WITH THEM FOR AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK , IS IT THAT DIFFICULT ?! NN MY FAMILY , IT'S ONLY IN THE MORNING AND LATE AT NIGHT TAT I SEE THEM ! I DONT EVEN HAF PROPER MEALS FOR ME EVERYDAY ! I JUST WANNA SIT DOWN WITH MY FAMILY AND EAT SOME HOME COOKED FOOD, IS IT THAT DIFFICULT ?! ARE ALL THESE TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A FRIEND AND FOR PARENTS' DAUGHTER?! MY FRIENDS , ALL THEY CARE ABT IS THEIR BOYFRIENDS , THEY DONT EVEN NEED ONE FRIEND LIKE ME ! YEA , REALLY , WADS THE USE OF ME WHEN THEY ALR HAF A STEAD TO TALK TO AND TO GO OUT WITH ? WAD HAF I BEEN DOING THE WHOLE OF JUNE HOLS ? STUCK AT HM ! TOTALLY NOT GOING OUT AT ALL WHEN 2 OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE GOING OUT WITH THEIR BOYFRIENDS AND ARE CARING HECK ABT ME ! WADS THE USE OF THEM HAVING A FRIEND LIKE ME WHEN ALL THEY CARE ABT IN THE WORLD IS JUST THEIR BFS , AND WHEN THEY ALR HAF A BF TO HANG OUT WITH AND TALK TO ?! AND WADS THE USE OF ME HAVING FRIENDS LIKE THEM WHEN ALL THEY CARE ABT IN THE WORLD IS JUST THEIR BFS , AND WHEN THEY ALR HAF A BF TU HANG OUT WITH AND TALK TO ?! THEY DONT NEED TO WASTE THEIR TIME KEEPING ME COMPANY , TALK TO ME AND CARE ABT ME , THEY CAN JUST DEVOTE THEIR TYM SOLELY TO THEIR BFS .. AND MY FAMILY , ALL GOING OUT EARLY , COMING HOME LATE . THEIR NOT TAT BAD , NOT WORSE THAN ME FRIENDS , AT LEAST, I STILL SEE AND TALK TO THEM DURING BREAKFAST AND LATE AT NIGHT . BUT I STILL WANT TO SIT DOWN AND EAT SOME HOME COOKED FOOD WITH THEM. I'M SICK AND TIRED OF INSTANT NOODLES AND FOOD OUTSIDE ! NEVER BEEN HAVING A PROPER MEAL SINCE I ARRIVED IN THIS NEW AND COLD LONELY HSE , THAT'S PROBABLY THE REASON WHY I CRAVE FOR FOOD ANY MIN , AND THE REASON WHY I'M SO SKINNY . I SHOUTED AT MY MUM FOR NOT STAYING AT HM TO COOK FOR ME EVERYDAY LIKE EVERY OTHER HOUSEWIVES . I TOLD HER TO AT LEAST ORDER THE CATERING , AND SHE SAID I WUD ALWAYS BE HANGING OUTSIDE , AND WONT BE HM FOR THE FOOD CATERING . AND I WAS LIKE , WAD THE HELL ?! SINCE WHEN DID SHE SEE MIIE STEPPING OUTTA THE HSE SO OFTEN ?! MY FRIENDS DON EVEN CARE ABT ME , THEY DONT EVEN WANNA GO OUT WITH ME , WHO CAN I GO OUT WITH ? NN WITH NO ONE TO HANG OUT WITH , HOW CAN I EVER POSSIBLY BE GOING OUT TAT OFTEN ?! ALL MY PARENTS CARE ABT IS WORK . OMG , NN THE WORST THING IS , WE'RE NOT EVEN RICH ! NO USE FOR THEM WORKING , IT'S NOT LIKE THEY GOTTA WORK ALOT COS WE'RE SOME RICH FAMILY OF A BIG COMPANY , SO TAT THEY HARDLY HAF TYM FOR THEIR CHILDREN . NO , WE'RE NOT RICH AT ALL , SO WHY ISSIT STILL LIKE THOSE COLD AND QUIET FAMILIES ?! CANT BE TOTALLY ANGRY WITH THEM COS AT LEAST FERHH TAT ONE OR TWO HRS AFTER THEY COME HM EACH THEY , I'LL BE TELLING THEM THINGS TAT HAPPENED IN SCH , BUT STILL , AGAIN , II JUST WANNA BE ABLE TO SIT TOGETHER AND EAT EVERY NIGHT . AND BETTER STILL , HAF FAMILY DAYS LIKE OTHER FAMILIES . I KINDA FEEL GUILTY NOW THAT II'VE JUST SHOUTED AT MUM FOR THEM NOT BEING GOOD PARENTS , COS MUM ALWAYS FEELS BAD FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO STAY AT HM TO TAKE CARE OF US .. BUT REALLY , I WAS STARVING JUST NOW , AND I DIDNT WANNA EAT MAGGIE MEE ANYMORE , AND WAS SOO ANGRY WITH THEM THAT THEY ARE COMING HM LATE , LEAVING ME AT HOME ALONE , TAT I JUST SHOUTED . AND THEN CRIED , AT THE THOUGHT OF BEING NEGLECTED , NOW BY FAMILY TOO . HAVING FRIENDS TO NEGLECT ME IS ENUF . FAMILY IS WORSE . IF I HAD FRIENDS , I WOULDNT MIND MY FAMILY COMING HM TOO LATE OR ANTH , COS AT LEAST I KNOW I'M NOT TOO LONELY , EVEN WEN I REALLY AM ALONE AT HM. BUT NOW , COMING BAK TO A QUIET AND DEAD LONELY HOME FRM SCH EVERYDAY , I JUST CANT HELP THINKING HOW MY FRIENDS ARE TREATING ME , HOW THEY ARE LEAVING ME ALONE . OHHHH. ALL THESE LONELINESS AND COLDNESS AND FEELING OF BEING NEGLECTED , ARE TOTALLY UNBEARABLE !! I JUST FEEL SO ... LIKE A LONELY INDIVIDUAL . THERE'S NO ONE ARD ME AT ALL . I DONT MEAN I NEED SOMEONE ARD ME TO TALK ABT MY TROUBLES , COS I DONT HAF ANY , EXCEPT BEING NEGLECTED BY FRIENDS AND FAMILY.. IF I HAF SOMEONE TO TALK TO , I WUDNT BE FEELING IGNORED ALR , COS TAT PERSON TALKING TO ME MUST BE A FRIEND, BUT THE PROB IS , I DONT HAF A FRIEND . IT IS KINDA MEANINGLESS TO LIVE NOW , BUT I'M NOT SO STUPID TO COMMIT SUICIDE FOR PEOPLE WHO DONT CARE A SHIT ABT ME , OF COURSE . IT WUD BE A WASTE OF MY LIFE , COS I WONDER IF MY FRIENDS WUD EVEN NOTICE THAT I'M DEAD ! OH, I DUNNO, FEELING AT A LOSS , COMPLETELY DESPERATE AND ABANDONED.. GUESS NO ONE SHUD KNOW TIS KINDA FEELING , NOT EVEN SAMMY OR KATRINA . IT'S NOSTALGIC.. INDIFFERENCE AND NEGLECT OFTEN DO MORE DAMAGE THAN OUTRIGHT DISLIKE. THAT’S TRUE, THAT REALLY IS. I’D RATHER MY BEST FRIENDS TELL ME IN THE FACE THAT THEY DISLIKE ME, RATHER THEN NEGLECTING ME , LEAVING ME ALONE AND DUMPING ME TO A CORNER. COS I KNOW THEY DON’T REALLY HATE ME, BUT THEY ARE JUST TOTALLY NOT CARING ABOUT ME. THAT MAKES ME FEEL EVEN MORE UNWANTED THAN IF THEY TELL ME THEY DON’T LIKE ME. AT LEAST IF THEY SAY THEY DISLIKE ME, I GET THE ANSWER STRAIGHT, BUT IF IT’S NEGLECTING , IT MAKES ME FEEL AT A TOTAL LOSS. I DON’T KNOW, I REALLY DON’T KNOW… IT’S JUST PAINFUL AND NOSTALGIC, REALLY. I DON’T LIKE THAT AT ALL .

the princess left at
2:18 AM