2/22/2008

it feels like , nn it seems like , everything's repeating itself all over again . for miie , at least . ii start wondering whr ii actually belong to , whether friends really treat miie as friends , & whether they are my friends ........ all these thought haf been flashing thru muh mind recently , c0s it seems like ii am alwaes the one who d0esnt kn0w wad myye friends are talking abt , ii just dont kn0w anything that they all do , which makes miie feel that ii d0nt haf a sense of belonging anywhere , nn makes miie feel lost . really . ii dont like this feeling , ii dd0nt wanna suffer nn suffocate again .. ii ddon wanna be feeling depressed nn unwanted again ..


spent 2 hrs at kfc chatting with the girls today . topic was mostly abt english . we talked abt h0w we felt abt english , nn ii shared with them muh childhood aspirations to be a writer .. =) ii swear , ii used to write really well , at least for a pri sch kid , ii did write better than many others , nn muh c0mpos are alwaes printed out and pinned somewhr in the class nn some kinda notice boards ard the canteen and the lib area ..! =D but ever since pri 6, ii met this eng tcher who's alwaes pressurizing us , having high expectations of us , nn alwaes forcing us to do english in a boring way like doing math .. nobody felt that english was one linguistic sub anym0re , nn m0st of us grew to dislike the teacher , nn furtherm0re , that subject .. we all refused to do her hw . that was when ii put d0wn muh pen , nn hardly able to hold it up again ever since .. ii've stopped writing loads whenever ii can , ii've stopped imagining weird ideas for muh compos .. ii haf sort of recovered myye interest nn passion for english nn for writing when mrs soh started teaching us , unfortunately , my penning skills are never regained .. ii cud haf all the grammar ii need , but ii had no m0re content , no m0re fresh nn interesting ideas nn twists in myye compos .. they're all dead nn boring nn flat .. the climax nn everything ii used to create for every of myye compo has disappeared .. it was kinda discouraging , nn depressing seeing mye work bec0ming such a standard , as compared to PRIMARY SCH . ii used to be able to write loads out of a topic like RUBBIN BIN . nn ii alwaes wrote abt RUBBISH BINS .. ii used to spend tym staring into the bin beside my study table nn just pick up a pen nn writing paper , nn ii starting scribbling contents into it. ii did . the contents of the rubbish bin , the uses of it , ii had things to write abt it . dere were also tyms wen tcher made us write situational stories , given a scenario to continue on , nn ii did horror stories that made chills go down my own spine ! "a chill went down my spine" , ii havent been using such a phrase for a LONG LONG TYM . ii was confident abt everything in english then , but n0w , it's getting all crappy .. ii've lost myye vocab , content , creativity , ideas , twists thru the storyline , skills . ii dd0nt even feel like ii shud belong to band1 like ii alwaes wud feel in pri sch .. urrgghhhh .. yepp , maybe ii shud start staring at this little bin beside myy comp desk n0w , nn think of things to write again .. ii really hope that being a writer wud come bak to miie as an aspiration ii want to pursue in future , just like it did for miie in the past .. ii want them all bak !!


okaes , so , for this whole week , it has been rather boring , nth outta the norms .. =/

ii wish sth p0pps up nn just spice up muh dead life a bit , myye life is soooo dull n0w .......

the princess left at
11:37 PM