3/11/2008

the outing with vien xy shaozhe darence ryan nn darreneng wasnt exactly pleasant at all.. ok , it was definitely UNPLEASANT , for miie alone, at least .. w0nder why in the pants of merlin did ii ever agree on an outing without another company for myself.. shudnt even haf went ......... ii waited ferh them at amk mrt, c0s we were g0ing down that direction , towards jurong .. read the harryp0tter bk muh bro borrowed but left aside while waiting .. it was a long wait , ii was pretty early .. =))))) hopped on to the train that they were in , nn met them . yea .. reached jurong , the weather wasnt too g0od .. that's myye first reason ferh the day spent n0t being too pleasant - extremely cold weather. kinda dampened muh m0od A LOT for swimming .. changed and braved the freezing icy cold waters .... ii had to get muh own float , no one to share with .. didnt even want one at first .. for the whole tym dere , ii didnt DARE sit on the float , merely just clinged on to it the whole tym. all the others were trying to overturn each other , esp miie ii guess , c0s ii had no bf as backup , so they cud easily bully miie .. and ii was floating alone on muh own the whole tym .. wayyy in front of them .. well yea , it was miie who sped up a bit to allow a distance , c0s it was awkward dere , with the 2 pairs of couples , had no one to acc0mpany nn to talk to , as usual .. so ii'd rather float alone , makes miie feel better than being neglected nn ign0red .. ii wasnt really ign0red , ii did feel existed , a bit too much , the attention was on miie , on h0w to overturn miie if ii were ever to sit on the float wen muh arms were dead tired and aching ... despite miie only clinging on to the float , n0t sitting on it , they still tried means nn ways to get miie "capsized" in the wave p0ol at it's deepest part .. ii was scared , nn ii really hated it , was quite angry abt it , plus the thot of why was ii even dere to make muhself feel so terrible , nn all tat feelings just made miie cry .. damn . bak to the lazy river to float a while m0re on muh own , then left ... changed nn headed to IMM for lunch+tea .. muh arms nn shoulders were aching like mad , frm all tat clining on the the float , without being able to sit on it nn relax , so tensed up the whole tym dere for fear of being overturned or sth by the others .. it was raining quite heavily , vien nn shaozhe left for IMM first by their bike , nn we had to train dere .. walked the distance frm mrt to IMM alone , again .. the whole day was like TOTALLY ALONE .. ii had, ferh quite a while , pulled muhself outta such misery but a stupid decision of mine to go with them ytd made miie remininsce all that feeling of being soooo ALONE .. ! eating at the fo0d court , ii hardly worked muh vocals . walked ard ferh a while , nn left IMM . someh0w they wanted to take a BUS frm jurong bak to bishan . goodness ….. ii had to endure an0ther long miserable hr ALONE . sat ALONE , of course.. it was like , n0body bothered abt miie at all , is that a g0od thing .. ?? ii mean , haf they never w0ndered why ii always tried to turn d0wn any sort of outing with them .. ? did they really think so simply tat it’s bec0s ii was lazy to go out , tat ii didn’t wanna sh0p at the places they wanted to , nn tat ii really wanted to stay hm nn do muh hw .. ? ohhhh .. wadever .. ii had nth to do , no one to talk to AT ALL on the bus , read the harrypotter bk , g0t tired nn slept the whole journey .. reached j8 , decided to to café cartel to grab a bite , hm after tat .. wad a dreadful day .. ii’ll never let muhself experience such a day ever again ! mistreating muhself so badly …

but on the other hand , on the other side , ii feel really neglected too , m0re nn m0re left out alr ..

ii haf received reassurance tym nn again that ii wasn’t being left out , but ii seri0usly am .. ii h0pe ii`m n0t feeling too sensitive , but ii really do feel this way , cant be helped ….

Cant believe ii’ve survived all these for m0re than a year alr , g0od thing ii`m one whose quite afraid of death without living muh life to the fullest yet , or ii’d alr haf g0tten the PR , at least , of the netherworld ..! ii w0nt die in peace if the reas0n was despair , only if it was that ii’ve finished all that ii ever want to do .. =)

the princess left at
11:12 PM